Is it just me, or do we all take for granted our closest loved ones. Why is it so easy to for me to be snarky to my husband, but not a colleague or friend. Why is it so easy to be rude to the driver trying to merge over into “my” lane? Why is it so easy to lose our patience with our own children, but not our friend’s child. Why do we have a different standard of kindness for our family than our friends, neighbors, teachers and people in our community?
I once had my daughter say something rather shocking, “Wow mom, you are so nice to the cleaning lady, how come you’re not that nice to us?” I was more than shocked, I was ashamed! How could I be so polite to people outside my family, but to my surprise, not very kind to my own family?! I know part of the reason was due to the fact that at that moment in time, my husband was in a medical rehab hospital recovering from a Traumatic Brain Injury, so I was a bit over stressed and obviously short on patience, sleep, nourishment and loving kindness. The other reason, may sound like an excuse, however I think it’s important to mention. I was raised in a family that cared more about what our family looked like from the outside, than what was going on inside. So, even with many years of therapy, I was obviously making the same or at the very least a similar mistake. And maybe that is the root of the kids sibling rivalry and the unkindness they bestow on one another.
I like to believe that I am a kind person. I volunteer, I go out of my way to help when asked and even when not asked, I’m often kind to strangers, I’m kind to my friends and neighbors. Then, why is it so easy to be unkind to those we love the most? I must sound like a raging bitch! I’m not, I am kind to my husband and children, until I run out of patience or I’m tired, or I’m pms-ing or I’ve had a long day or I’m being interrupted. Basically, without realizing it, my actions are speaking louder than my words. So again, I pose the question, Why is it so easy to be unkind to the ones we love the most? Where is the disconnect happening? I suppose this blog, is my way of finding the answer.
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One thought on “Family Kindness”
I have the same problem! I think it is a comfort thing for me. I know my husband is going to be there, even if I’m a jerk to him so I don’t guard my words as carefully. It’s a horrible reason, but I’m glad he still loves me anyway.